Sanity
by KiraSakura
Summary: [B'day fic for NightmareStalker] In which Makenshi's sanity is questioned, Kaze gets drunk, Lisa is kidnapped, and Madoushi shows the world Fluffy, his pet mushroom. And pancakes ARE evil, no matter how much you try to deny it.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own Final Fantasy: Unlimited. Square Enix does, I think. They also happen to own Sephiroth, much to his chagrin.

**Warnings:** BAD WORDS!

**Author Note:** Happy Sephiroth-themed Birthday dear Nightmare-Stalker. Hope you have fun, and the kangaroos don't attack! YES! I'M INSANE!!!

OXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Kaze, Makenshi realized, was quite scary when drunk. And by scary, he didn't mean abusive, or violent, or anything like that. No. When drunk, Kaze actually talked, and acted like a human being. A sure sign the world was ending._ How _Kaze had gotten drunk only Ai would know, seeing as she was the one who got him in that state. Ai had also learned an important lesson that day, as she lay in the infirmity, wavering between life and death. That lesson; never, even if you life depended on it, call Kaze muffin. Yes, Ai had waltzed up to Kaze, laughed at his 'lack' of male pride, called him a loser, and dared him to drink an entire bottle of tequila. Then, once Kaze was piss-ass drunk, she did the unthinkable and called Kaze, 'Mr-middle-muffin-wuffin-pie'. Poor Ai. She's never gonna learn, is she? Anyways, this is supposed to be a romance, and not funny. But it'll probably end up that way because I can't write serious Final Fantasy: Unlimited fanfiction. Ahem. We're getting a little off track here, aren't we?

It was interesting, really, watching Kaze shed his coat-cloak-thing and actually open up. Poor Makenshi. He'd been the one Kaze had cornered in his drunken haze, and thus was now sitting in the big, white fancy living room the cast of FF:U had got, listening as Kaze droned away about his life, and how pretty Lisa was. And that, really, was why Makenshi was here. Madoushi was sitting next to him, paper and pen in hand, sketching out some hair-brained scheme about how they'd set a giant mushroom loose, and Kaze would save Lisa, and thus become Lisa's love and all that fairy-tale nonsense. And Makenshi, being the only sane person around, because Knave just didn't count as even _close_ to sane, was expected to go along with this. Sometimes life just isn't fair. Not fair at ALL.

"Ok…so brother here will let Fluffy go--" Madoushi started, pointing to a big board that he got from who knows where, which was covered in a series of complex looking plans. He was cut off, however, when Kaze slurred, "Fwuffy? Wh'do the heck names a mushwoom _Fwuffy_?"

Madoushi rolled his red eyes, and snapped, "I was five! Anyways, as I was saying, brother will let Fluffy loose in the cafeteria. Lisa should be on duty in there, right, so she should be all, you know, screamy and such. And then you waltz in, and ya shoot the Magun at Fluffy-kins, without killing him, cause if ya kill him I'll kill you, and take Lisa for myself---"

"Dear God no!" Kaze exclaimed, terror written in big black letters all over his face.

"---and then we'll have lots of little Madoushi's, and yeah. And once ya save Lisa, you proclaim your undying love for her, and then ya two kiss, and then ya, quite frankly, screw her senseless into the wee hours of the night. And then we'll have lots of little Kaze's running around, and we'll have to call in an exterminator, cause all of the little Kaze's will have lots of little Maguns, and be shooting off summons left and right, and the exterminator won't be able to get rid of them, and then we all move to London, and eat cheese"

It was amazing that Madoushi was still here, and not in an asylum. Really, utterly, shit-face amazing. Poor Makenshi. He really was starting to think that he'd gotten the short end of the stick this time. Then again, since when did Makenshi ever get the long end? Provided there was long end. For all Makenshi knew, it could just be a really short stick. Or maybe there was no stick, and this was just a giant conspiracy to let the gophers take over. Oh dear. It seems that dear little Makenshi is going crazy, too. What a predicament. Oh well. It was bound to happen at some point in life.

"Brother, as much as I would like to see Kaze and Lisa hook up, I _don't_ think setting Fluffy loose would be such a good idea…I mean, wouldn't Cid get a_ little_ upset if you destroyed his potato-maker?" Makenshi asked, jade-green eyes wide with innocence. Madoushi snorted, and replied, "Nonsense! It's just a damn potato-maker. He can always make a new one"

Kaze added his two cents by saying a loud, throaty, "Pancakes". Needless to say, Kaze wasn't really helping that much. Well, Madoushi seemed to think that was the smartest thing ever uttered, but Madoushi is insane, remember?

"Quite right, my friend. Pancakes _would_ help. Off to the kitchens!" And away they went, Madoushi dragging a wailing Makenshi behind him.

---

Several hours, and four blown up kitchens, later, we find our heroes (?) in the cafeteria, setting up. Madoushi was waving Fluffy in, and Makenshi was trying desperately to hang onto his last threads of sanity.

"I'm sane I'm sane I'm sane I'm sane I'm sane" Makenshi continually muttered, rocking back and forth in a corner. He was surrounded by pancakes, and was trying to ignore them. Really, they just wouldn't shut up. The leader of the pancake colony, Pip, was having a lively, one-sided conversation with Makenshi. It went something like this:

Pip: Well, Makenshi my friend, isn't it a nice day?

Makenshi: I'm sane I'm sane I'm sane.

Pip: Of course you are! And I'm a pancake. Ho ho ho

Makenshi: I'm sane I'm sane I'm sane.

Pip: I'm starting to doubt that. You might want to see a counsellor…

Makenshi: I'm sane I'm sane carrots I'm sane I'm sane.

Pip: Ah, now there's a talkative fellow. I remember, back when I was still a blob of batter, the carrot. Charley was his name, I think.

Makenshi: …nooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

Well, Makenshi's supposed sanity just flew out the window, and smacked right into Sephiroth. What the hell Sephiroth was doing outside the window we'll never know. All though it could have something to do with the chibi Cloud that hung from Madoushi's belt. Ahem. But we're not reading about that…

And so, everything was wheeled into place. Fluffy was poorly concealed by Makenshi's blankie ("NOOOOO!! NOT MR. SNUFFLES!), Kaze was sitting near by, eyes wide and pupils dilated (Never a good sign), and Madoushi was busy pretending to be sane. It wasn't working, sadly. Oh well.

"Oh, how I wish I wasn't on cafeteria duty…" Lisa' voice wailed throughout the room. Madoushi giggled loudly, and curled up in a ball. Makenshi killed a few pancakes, and Kaze said, "Mooglies" a few times. Oh, isn't it horrible of how our heroes lost their senses?

So, Lisa waltzed in, wearing a tu-tu of all things, and did a rather pathetic reproduction of Swan Lake. Kaze threw caution into the wind, and kidnapped her a few seconds later, much to her joy. Madoushi just wailed on and on about how his plan was ruined, and Makenshi ran off, screaming something about pancakes taking over the world, how it was his duty to save the world. Well. That was whack. And whatever happened to Fluffy, you ask? Well, he started to sing, quite well, happy birthday to a special someone of whom this fic is for.

_Happy Birthday to you_

_Happy Birthday to you_

_Haaaappy Biiiirthdaaaaay dear Nightmare-Stalker,_

_Happy Birthday to you!_


End file.
